I lie here under small lights
watching patterns dancing behind my lids
feeling my skull crush inwards
inwards
as it tries to rid itself of you
(again.)
It's never just you
you always go in pairs that never include me
our numbers just don't add up
and that just can't work for us.
I try to reconcile two different feelings
but you near and you away
are two different chemical reactions
we just don't work out
Just watch the time rush by, rush by
colours
faces
places
I'll stand here and watch,
can't move, don't want to move, never move.
Everyone moves on
because everyone has plans.
My plan was always not having plans.
I'm just letting the river take me where I need to go,
but I'm caught in the rapids
seeing you you float by.
I hate to see you unhappy knowing I can't fix it.
Why are we doing this to each other now?
Where is the civility from when I couldn't have what I wanted.
I don't think we'll ever get each other right.
love.is.not.a.victory.march.
- If only we were capable of proper conversation, maybe we could function.
All our memories have become washed out
dichromatic, white and black
where are our shades of grey?
Mere months ago they were here,
but nostalgia has brought a new perspective.
New scenarios bring new jolts
can't change the smiles on our faces,
just where we see them.
Sometimes I want our dungeon days back.
Let's flip the pages on the calendar together
add another year into the tally
forget the future, i want to stay in these moments.
I can't keep the connection when you're not saying things.
Come in, come in?
tell.rock.and.roll.i'm.alone.again.
-Making an effort, please wait 4 - 6 months for quality report
Red poppy, white shirt
looks like blood flowing onto their chest
but I suppose that's the symbolism
Room feels like it's sinking
downward tilt to the left
watching us all disappear into the earth
nothing can get us here.
Crowded into corners
legs every which way,
this is our closeness
I want to be the smiles.
Dance to the drumbeat,
connect through the bassline...
hey.moon.don't.forget.to.fall.down.
- everything has a description today
Pile another layer over the rest
noonenotices noonenotices
so much to cover,
so much if it wants to crack through and be shown.
Darkdarkdark over colours, over colours.
No one notices, but it seems transparent to me.
All these layers seem like watercolours
when I meet up with my reflections.
There's so much beauty I want to capture,
keep in a box away from
danger
harm
destruction
Things like the trees in the summer, the insides of the bus, and you.
Walls are breaking down,
things are always changing.
The ground we're on is uneven, and we could never catch each other
we'll fall at the same time,
but only one falls for another.
You're my unnatural disasters,
I couldn't evacuate if I tried.
everyone.shakes.to.the.beat.with.a.barrel.down.their.throat.
- Hello electrical currents.
It's confusing when things are going kind of alright,
because I never know what to say.
I don't handle defeat very well, but I always know how to phrase it.
Anybody else could do this hack job better than I ever could.
I just stumbled in and stuck you in the photocopier,
stuck a name on it.
I spill my guts with words I shouldn't own,
I borrowed your alphabet soup, and I never gave it back.
Everytime we've reached the same level,
your elevator starts going back up.
Mine is perpetually jammed,
will you push the down button once in a while?
You will always find new ways to ruin me,
I'm a cliche ten times over.
I'm not sure I want to stop falling
dance.into.the.fire.
- There's so much more to say, but I won't find the right phrasing.
I'm picking knife fights,
showing up to battle with ballpoint pens.
The pen is mightier
but it won't keep you out of emergency rooms.
I'm underprepared and ill-equipped for love and wars
I'll lose the battle on both fronts.
I kind of want to control the free world,
but it's only free with cupons and mail-in rebates.
everday.my.confusion.grows.
- Rambling for great justice.
Here we go around the board again,
watching every move we make.
Hyper-sensitive to the smallest misstep.
Go back to start, do not pass go.
I love how you make me exhaust
every cliche, metaphor, and allegory I've got.
I wanna be a part of a line of sight,
not just in peripherals.
when.you.turn.the.lights.down.think.of.me.
- Got a miracle cure that doesn't know I'm around.
Somethings just need to stop once in a while
like how you run your signals through blenders
just before you send them my way.
You need to keep your low pitched morbidity
and steady breathing out of my ears
so they'll stay out of my head when things get quiet.
If you're going to tear this world to pieces,
stop rebuilding sections of the walls.
fade.out.of.this.world.
- This basement dungeon is wreaking havoc on my organs.
Things you must do to make me happy
inhale
exhale
Or scratch that last
and just hold that breath in till
you're changing colours
things start collapsing [notusthistime]
Oh baby, this boy's turning blue.
Can we take a polaroid of this one moment?
I want to watch it develop,
see all our mistakes become defined before our eyes.
The ones that we can not
will not fix up.
it's.always.tease.tease.tease.
- Inspired by notepads and trashy psychological thrillers. A+ to my muses.